"Tummy Button Terror" or "It's Scarier Than a Cat with a Chainsaw, It's the Dangly, Trunklike Cancer Button!"

When I was little, my belly button used to freak me out. When I say freak me out, I don't just mean like the old man with the wonky eye who used to say he could show me puppies the like of which I'd never seen before (Luckily due to my phobia of dogs I was never molested). 

This was a bigger kind of freaking out than any purveyor of paedo pups could instill. Imagine someone who was scared of cats going to a cat museum, but it wasn't just a cat museum, it was a museum about cats who walk on two legs and have knives and chainsaws and scary stabby shit. And wasps, wasps are scary (in fact wasps are worse than anything, I hate wasps, nearly as much as raisins and nuts).

I was proper freaked out by my belly button. The source of the freaking out was that I used to believe that if I scratched it I could actually unravel it and it'd spring out and hang down like an elephant’s trunk. I genuinely believed that there was some kind of witchcraft in my tummy that meant that upon unravelling it would measure at least 75 centimetres and everywhere I went people would point and stare. Kids in the playground would actually hold me down and draw elephants ears and a face on my tummy. I’d probably have to have a specially made bag to put it in or wrap it round and round my waist. On the plus side I’d probably never have to buy a belt again. That’s a pretty small plus point in comparison to all the negatives though. It wasn't enough that if this actually occurred I would look like some kind of elephant stomached freak, I also believed that excess scratching of my navel would result in cancer. Yes, you did read that right, cancer. It was like I had a big red button attached to me that read "Do not press. Cancer and trunk extension". I spent a large part of my life believing that if I scratched my belly button not only would I have a weird trunk sprouting from my tummy, I would also have cancer. 

Looking back I've no idea where this belief came from. However, a small part of me believes that I couldn't make something like that up and that it could actually be true. Due to this, even to this day I always take care when the need arises to touch my belly button.